Visions - Through the Looking Glass

 

Sophia Elizabeth Cerveny Dominguez Moreno
Autobiography 2009 - 2010

 

Read on you might find my life a bit interesting...   So much time has passed since I was 13 years old. I've realized that time passes quicker as we age & that we have to live every moment as if it were our last & care for our loved ones as if they were to die tomorrow. I am now 25 years old, a grown woman, married to the man of my dreams, living my life as I should have been so many years ago. Not wearing the black lipstick & the black clothing but maintaining (my essence) who I am, within me. Now being able to fully comprehend the lyrics of my favorite music (mainly metal bands) & growing wiser about everything surrounding me as the years pass. Expanding my creativity & artistic ability, further each day. Enjoying the warmth of the sunshine as I wake up every morning, coming to the conclusion that sunlight might just create happiness. Accepting what can & will not be changed especially regarding my Family. Maintaining a balance of good & evil inside of me. Having both a murderous & bubbly personality. Thankful for the fact that I am no longer chained to a bed due to an illness. My Husband says that I have an unhealthy obsession with Livejournal & taking photographs. I guess he'll never understand that having a Livejournal for so many years has helped me grow as a person, not to mention that the majority of my Best Friends I met on Livejournal (who have stuck with me from the beginning & I am more than sure that they will stick with me till the end).       Handwritten Autobiography 2010 I thought I'd try a more personal approach by scanning an Autobiography handwritten by me.

 

 

Biografia 2008

My name is Sophia & I am 23 years old. Despite my age I have passed through many difficult times in my life, things that will scar me forever. A few years ago I got really sick with a severe case of chronic gastritis, acid reflux, & a hiatal hernia. I almost died several times. I was so sick that I'd puke blood constantly & was in the emergency room several times & was also hospitalized on Christmas Eve & I spent Christmas in the hospital. I weighed 130 lbs & ended up weighing 80 lbs in less than two weeks.

I felt very uncomfortable with my body - I looked almost skeletal. I was stuck to my bed for a year & a half due to my sickness. My Mom thought I had anorexia so she later hospitalized me in a Psych ward. There I was prescribed what I like to call "The Venom." The Venom is better known as the medication, Effexor XR. With time the medication made me have horrible hallucinations mainly of the world ending & myself being crucified on a cross. I never want to go through the hallucinations again though I feel that they happened to make me a stronger person in life - just as well as the sickness. It was proven medically that I had the hiatal hernia & that I did not have anorexia (Of course I already knew that.) My Boyfriend, family, & friends were all very supportive & I thank them immensely for it. I believe that it was my faith that saved me. Regardless of how sick I was, I was still happy & I never gave up hope.

 

::Older Biography::

My name is Sophie and I'm 23 years old. I study graphic design at an art University called Ganexa. I strive to be a freelance designer which means I incorporate both graphic & web design. I am much more familiar with web design because I have been studying the html language since 1997, and have had my own personal website since then. I am fascinated with learning new things and want to improve as I move along with my studies.

I'm a death metal vocalist but I am not in a band for several reasons. I listen to various types of music but my favorite genres are Oontz, Metal, & goth. I'm a true crime fanatic if I wasn’t a graphic designer I would be a criminologist or a forensic specialist most probably in the FBI because my Uncle works there. I'm fascinated by many obscure things that some people don't approve of. But that’s me and I’m not going to change who I am to make someone else happy if I am to change it will be for myself.

I love to read and I'm heavily involved as a West Memphis Three Supporter, to learn more about what I speak of visit www.wm3.org I like to draw but since I've lost practice over the years I’m not that good anymore but I know that with practice, patience, and determination I will once again gain the same drawing talent I had before and maybe even grow beyond it. I have the most wonderful Boyfriend in the world his name is Miguel Angel, he makes me so happy.

My sister lives abroad in the United States in the state of Maryland with her husband Laksiri, they both study Marine Biology. There was a point in my life where I thought all was lost and that by dying by my own hand everything would improve I am so glad that the mentality I had before has now vanquished and it is thanks to Miguel Angel.

I was severely depressed because of various events that happened during my teenage years. During those events I lost my faith for several years jumping from obscure religions and different beliefs and I am finally now back at my Catholic roots and I have never felt better.

Don't judge me based upon my religious beliefs because I sure as hell will not judge you on yours. I respect all religions but yet abhor religious fanatism, I mean who doesn't? Only the pigs that belong to those churches. At times I believe I shouldn't be a part of a religion & maybe I should just believe in God & do good things, who knows?

::Even Older Biography::

I grew up in a wooden house, that I still can actually call home regardless of my family not living there anymore. I often miss playing with 2 of my oldest friends Nelly & Rosie in the backyard, sometimes we´d set up the sprinkler & just dance around it or slide down this water thingy we used to have. I practically lived at their house, & they were always so good to me I´ll never forget playing sega with them, their Dad´s many fish, their pets, & the warmthness of their house. Nelly & Rosie & her Parents moved away a couple of year´s later, which was very hard for all of us. I used to have a clubhouse with a couple of friends of mine, there used to be a wooden house that seemed to be burnt down or abandoned that was right in our neighbor´s backyard & since there was no fence to prevent us from walking over there we always did.

All of our meetings were held in that clubhouse, I remember the time I made everyone of the club member´s eat cheetos by dipping them into chocolate pudding, they then knew right then & there that I was right all along, that the combination tasted marvelous. I miss setting up the Christmas tree & the lights outside the house with my Dad & Sister. I miss my Dad´s many snakes & reptiles, & the two bunnies me & my Sister used to have. I miss my dog Daisy, & all the pet´s that perished at that household. I miss Easter egg hunting in the backyard, sitting on the steps with my Sister & friends, & the birthday parties on the bottom portion of the house. I remember Dad´s room downstairs with his tv & his stereo. & the frozen snakes inside the freezer, I miss Princess most of all because she was one of my snakes. Even though I hated that my Dad smoked I still miss the smell of that room, so much.

I miss the wooden floors of the house, & each & every room in it. I miss how the phone in the kitchen was stuck to the wall & how there was a stool right next to it so whenever you talked on the phone you could just sit & chat. I miss wrapping myself up in blankets & then sliding down the side of my bed & slinking into my sister´s room to scare the beejeezus out of her, yes I thought I was a glow worm;) I miss the Christmas parties, my Parent´s Anniversary´s, Birthday´s, & Thanksgiving. All those memories came to a close when we moved in to another house that was really close by, that house would always flood & we hated it. In our new house is where all the bad things started to happen, my Parent´s started fighting they eventually got seperated then divorced, me & my Sister missed our happy childhood at the wooden house. But now we were confined to these cement walls that made us unhappy, at times we´d wonder if murders were commited there, we never found out if our predictions were true.

After living in the house that would always flood we moved to my current house. In this house all decisions were made, my Parents parted for good & me & my Sister were left to live with my Mother. We´d constantly visit Dad on weekends, but then he got depressed & we didn´t like his new girlfriend to much, pretty much you can say he pushed us away for a really long while. My Dad´s an alcoholic & a heavy smoker, he doesn´t smoke & drink as much now as he did before though, but that was one of the main factor´s my Parent´s got divorced. Even though the divorce did occur in my current household we grew to love it, we made friend´s with the neighbors, & Christina who I had known for a really long time also lived here. I´ll never forget the icies she´d make, the orange flavored one was heaven. When I entered Curundu Middle School that was probably the school I attended that I was happiest in, I had soo many friends (Mary, Nick, Julea, John, Tito, Christina, Nelly, Rosie, etc..) & no one judged me for the person I was.

When the bases closed & the Americans left the school closed & me & Christina went off to a Catholic school, we both hated it we never did any of the homework or payed any attention in class. From there Christina went off to another school & so did I. Christina eventually moved to another neighborhood alot farther away, the transition was very difficult for both of us. In High School I was constantly made fun of, but I did have a few good friends. There were Kid´s that would label me as a Witch or a Satanist, I was a Satanist at one point in my life but never a Witch. Events happened during that time, that scarred me for life, those events caused me to get extremely depressed & make me not want my life anymore. After the events I got into Satanism, then I became Atheist, then Agnostic, & now I´m Catholic once more because I was baptized a Catholic. I started therapy, was hospitalized numerous amounts of times, & was prescribed to take a medication that has ruined my life. During the period of my depression I met people who I am really fond of, they are my muses.

I dropped out from High School for quite awhile which I didn´t like to much because I didn´t graduate on time & I had new classmates, many that never really favored me, but then again I didn´t favor them because they were always rude to me. Though I did make a small group of friends, who I hold very dear to my Heart, though I only speak to a few of them nowadays the memories are still there. During High School I met my Husband Miguel Angel, not exactly in the school but at the place where my Mom works. It was love at first sight, after meeting him my life changed tremendously my depression started to slowly vanish, even though we didn´t declare our love for each other right then & there, but years later.

Our friendship was like no other, we had everything in common, & enjoyed our conversations so much. The day Miguel & me became a couple, was the greatest day of our lives. We have been together for 2 years & 6 months & have never been happier. I eventually graduated from High School, then I started going to FSU where I failed, though I do miss my writing class. I started studying at Ganexa University where I am currently at now, I´m majoring in Graphic Design. I still live with my Mom, but it´s only us now my Sister moved away to the States to study & is now married & living in Maryland. Miguel & me try to visit my Dad every Sunday, & I try to call him whenever I can. My Dad has been living by himself in a hotel for quite a number of year´s. So you can say I had a happy childhood then all that went down after the events that happened that caused my depression & now I´m happy again because I´m with the Man I love more than ANYTHING in this world, & because he himself helped my depression vanish.

::Olddddddddddd::

I got sick of my older biography´s so I thought I should write up a new one. & now that I´m inspired I thought it was the best time to write one. I´m currently in my second quarter at the Uni, the quarter´s almost over & i´m absolutely positive that I got good grades, not that many of you care but it is rather important to me so I thought I´d post about it.

During a period of a few months I have changed dramatically. Some of these changes scare me because I´m not quite used to them yet. I never thought I´d find myself praying at night, & now I do. I never thought I´d ever start to believe in God, but here I am. Ever since I started believing I feel like a much better person, my boyfriend Miguel also started believing & it was mostly because of him that I started believing as well. I had been agnostic for years & he had been atheist, now were both Catholic. I am not going to preach to you & those of you that read this & don´t believe probably think I´m full of shit & you know what I could care less. This is coming from someone who rejected God for years. The person writing this biography is a person who has recovered from severe depression, & even though I didn´t believe in God for all those years I was depressed, he did believe in me, as much as Miguel, my family, my friends, & my doctor helped me, so did God. At first I thought I wasn´t going to post my beliefs publicly but I thought about it & I don´t think I should hide it. Laugh all you want or whatever, I don´t give a rat´s ass. After all it´s MY LIFE & I´m entitled to believe in whatever I choose to believe in.

Same thing goes for my Personal journals, it´s my life & I can write about whatever the fuck I want, I don´t care what you have to say, & your words & actions WILL NOT hurt me. Just scroll the mouse, it´s as easy as cheese. Miguel & I have both stopped listening to metal/rock music & not just because we believe in God now it´s just that I believe we kind of got tired of it. I was devoted to death metal & black metal for years, I still am in some way & I´ll continue listening to my favorite metal bands, but I just won´t expand them. & NO I AM NOT selling my large ass CD collection, I want to keep them as memories & who knows maybe one day I´ll go back to listening to metal again who knows. Crisis is in my blood & Mayhem is in Miguel´s & that will probably never change because those were bands that stuck with us till the end, that helped heal our wounds, & made us see life differently. I´m to fucking lazy to edit my music list again. I listened to EBM & Industrial for years but now I´ve been listening to it a whole lot more. & YES of course I still listen to Goth.

I listen to other things nowadays besides electronics. It´s really strange saying all these things but it´s the honest truth & I don´t think I should hide them. I revealed that mask I was hiding underneath years ago. I hardly wear black anymore, I mostly wear UV reactive colors & hindu styled clothing. My skin is still sensitive to the sun & I still hate it but I think I´m going to try enjoying myself at the beach or pool one of these days with Miguel. I´m still fanatically obsessed with horror movies that will never change either, because it´s also in my blood. I was raised watching cult films.

I am happier than I have ever been in my life, I FUCKING LOVE LIFE. Who thought those words would ever pass from my lips? I sure as hell didn´t. Of course you all know about my relationship with my boyfriend Miguel Angel & those of you who don´t know we´ve been dating for 2 years & already have plans to be married in 3 years right after both of us graduate. I used to hate kids & now I want kids of my own. Can you see how much I´ve changed? Some people can´t even believe it when I tell them. I´m happy that I get to see my dad every Sunday & both Miguel & I get to spend quality time with him for those of you who don´t know my parents have been divorced for years. I have lived alone with Mother for quite sometime, my older sister Jessica lives with her husband in the state of Maryland, I miss her. I plan to never dye my hair again unless it´s purple, I rather wear hair extensions:D Oh, & one more thing...

I FUCKING LOVE KOMPRESSOR!!! Kompressor R.I.P.

Edit: The not listening to metal thing was a phase, I see that I go through phases alot. I listen to something depending to what mood I'm in. But I definitely cannot live without my metal.



::Older Bio::

I used to be a freshman graphic/web design student attending FSU, during my time there i took 3 liberal arts courses. I had to drop my math course, & I failed the psychology one, though I did sort of well in freshman composition & rhetoric.

So I am back at a clean slate because I pretty much failed, I will no longer be attending Florida State University. I started going back to college at Ganexa University an art school, where i am also studying graphic/web design. Though I have forgotten most of my spanish I try hard to do my work, being that all the classes are in spanish, besides my english easy kinder class, ha.

Most of my leisure time is spent engaged with my nose buried in books, with the love of my life my boyfriend Miguel Angel, watching horror & cult films, & the rest of that time is dedicated to friends/muses. A large portion of that time I consume music:) Crazy about it, I really love industrial, EBM, synth-pop, goth, darkwave, death metal, & black metal, but I like soooo many others:P

I have an Olympus d-390 digital camera that I practically take everywhere I go, Miguel Angel is the main subject of my photographs, & myself of course, can´t leave out the vanity! I recently graduated from high school in june, passed with good grades, yeaah. Weekends are dedicated wholely to Miguel Angel & partially to the people I call muses & friends, you all know who you are.

::Another Old Bio::

i´m currently a freshman graphic design student at florida state university panama. this is a story about a girl who wishes to live in a castle, far up in the clouds, she wishes were purple, including her boyfriend Miguel. he is her knight in shining armor, her blood, her love, her soulmate, her life. she has many talents, the main one being able to sing, she has her own death metal/grindcore band. sometime´s she´ll find herself jigging & bouncing around to a apoptygma berzerk, ohgr, or projekt pitchfork record in her room. music used to be the most important factor in her life, but now Miguel is. she found herself the first time she heard Crisis, her favorite band, it spread through her body like a disease. if she is not singing you will most likely find her drawing, painting, writing, photographing, sewing, sleeping, or building websites. she is obsessively vain, & doesn´t care what other people think of her. she doesn´t care for stereotypes & she doesn´t beleive in labels. she listens to alot of different types of music the main one´s being grindcore, death metal, black metal, 80´s, goth, industrial, synth-pop, & EBM. currently she has red/purplish hair that is obviously dyed. her real hair color is dirty blonde. she is a horror movie fanatic, anthony hopkins, angelina jolie, & bela lugosi being her favorite actors. some of her favorite movies include beetlejuice, pumpkinhead, the nightmare before christmas, interview with the vampire, dracula, return of the vampire, & night of the living dead. i will bore you no more!

 

 

::Oldest Biography::

Born w/ the name sophia, but prefers to be called sophie, her last name cerveny derives from the czech republic. she resides in central america in a small country called panama. she is obviously female, but will never tell you how old she is. she is hopelessy in love w/ him (miguel angel), & he is finally hers to own. music is her life & when she says this she truly means it, it is so important to her. her favorite band is crisis they do not fit into any particular genre, because there just cool like that:) some of her favorite musical genres include grindcore, death metal, 80's, goth, & industrial, those are just a few. she is a website designer/vocalist for the band last born child. she tends to wear alot of black, gray, & marroon, deal w/ it! she does not beleive in stereotypes, & does not care much for labels. she loves big hair, synthetic hair, big platform boots, & goggles. she is still in high school because she decided to drop out for a year it was a big mistake, she realizes this. she plans on going to college in florida, california, or new york. she has been designing websites since 1997, even after her computer died she still maintains several websites, including this one. currently she has brown hair w/ red streaks that needs to be re-dyed black/blue as soon as possible. she decorates it w/ purple pony falls & forest green goggles that she hardly ever takes off.

 

Her hair is wavy but she wishes it were straight. in her spare time she designs websites, draws, paints, writes profusely, composes, or photographs. since a young age she has been drawn to horror, cult, & classic movies, yes she is a fanatic. some of her favorite actors are anthony hopkins, bela lugosi, christopher lee, angelina jolie, geoffrey rush, joaquin phoenix, lon chaney, & lon chaney jr. she likes to take numerous photographs of herself, some that you will never see, because she is just vain like that. besides singing she knows how to play the piano & the clarinet. she breathes & lives crisis the band & their music, it is her therapy, & her guide through life & it's hardships. she reads to much but knows she grows wiser because of it. some of her favorite authors include edgar allan poe, sylvia plath, anne rice, christina rossetti, patricia cornwell, j.r.r. tolkien, c.s. lewis, neil gaiman, poppy z. brite, roman dirge, & herself. she is addicted to coca cola, her discman, music, & creativity. those that she can actually call friends mean everything to her. she admires fiona apple, tori amos, karyn crisis, cristina scabbia, floor jansen, nivek ohgr, astrid van der veen, tairrie b, aimee echo, jessicka fodera, tim burton, danny elfman, & many more that she won't mention right now. she tends to collect alot of things, it's a bad habit she will probably never break. & this is where her story ends.

 

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